I am beginning to think that we need to do something about Japan. I first started thinking this when I got curious on somethingawful.com and clicked the Jlist banner. Actually, that's a lie. I first started thinking this when I got curious and clicked on a strange Japanese word. That was the day my soul died. Of course, I forgave Japan when I realized that while this site sells Japanese hermaphrodite porn, it is Americans selling Japanese hermaphrodite porn to other Americans, and we can't really blame Japan for that. Plus, they gave us Godzilla, so they can't be all bad.
This time though, they've gone too far. And this time, they can't blame it on American Perverts. They took the best thing that American ever gave them and twisted it into something dark and evil and just stupid.
I know, it doesn't look too bad. It actually looks kind of cool. Sure, "Anthology of Superman Legendz" is kind of lame, but I guess we can blame that on shitty translators. Well, don't let the title card fool you. Here is how the episode starts out. And for the record, this is the first episode. Nothing precedes it. No movie. No other series. Nothing.
This is the underground shrine of Neutrino Kingdom. The turtles were unexpectedly summoned by the spirit of light, Crys Mu. And they were given extraordinary stones called 'Mutastone.' Super Mutation! These stones are capable of transforming the turtles into Super turtles only for 3 minutes. This power up was called Super Mutation. At the same time, these villains, who invaded the kingdom, had obtained a dark mutastone that is a counterpart of the regular mutastones. What you see here is the result of the dark stone. Transformation. Against the Shredder gang who have obtained dark power, The super turtles struggled in battle. However, the mutastones had another amazing power that upgrades the turtles even stronger. It is called 'Saint Mutation.' Kick-ass! The turtles merged into 'Turtle Saint' and displayed his biggest power. What you see here is the result. However, that has only encouraged the beginning of the next disaster. |
I know you are thinking that I must be an idiot, and this is actually the second episode, and that was a summary of the first episode. Well, I may be an idiot, but this really is the first episode and that really is the only explanation we get for what's going on.
If you are a masochist, you can view the entire opening narration and theme song on Youtube by clicking here. Blame vermaxen from x-entertainment.com's comment board, because the link came from him.
I'll spare you the blow by blow on this one, because, well, I just don't wanna do it, but here is the basic gist of things. The world is in crisis. Stars are disappearing. It turns out that Krang is being an ass-hole again and is trying to destroy the world. I really think you need a video to fully appreciate this.
That's right, Krang is an octopus now, and has a helium problem. Anyway, Krang is trying to summon up this evil little fairy to kill us all. Lucky for us, the turtles have a fairy friend of their own who shows up and tells them what's going on.
The turtles go out to kick some super-powered ass. Luckily, all the Foot soldiers are on vacation, so the turtles don't have too much trouble. Yeah, I'm not kidding.
Meanwhile, Splinter confronts Krang, but before he can do much of anything, the entire world is swept by natural disasters and the evil fairy is released upon the world.
The fairy's first act is to throw her magic wand into the ground and make her Shredder Grow. It's ok though, the turtles prevail, and they don't even need a Megazord.
The evil fairy flees to outer space where she plans to destroy the planet from orbit, but the turtles combine their powers and merge into a single super turtle.
The fairy does battle with the new super turtle and ends up getting imprisoned back in her crystal along with the good fairy.
And then the show ends, and there is much rejoicing.
Ok granted, it's really bad, but I actually kind of liked it. Sure, it's a complete bastardization of the Ninja Turtles, but it has it's funny moments. And Krang calls Shredder a retard, which was great. If you are a Ninja Turtle fan you might wanna try to track this down, if only so you can legitimately say that you's seen everything to do with the Ninja Turtles. If you aren't a fan, I don't expect that you'd enjoy this much.
Either way, if you want to watch this, it is available through bit torrent as of June 11, 2006. I won't tell you exactly where or how to get it, because I'm pretty sure that's illegal, but if you look into bit torrent and do a google search for anime tracker, it probably won't take you too long to find it.
You know, it occurs to me that no pictures of the Ninja Turtles in their new forms made it into this review. Well, here you go.
His attack is called "The Spinning Top of Super Violent Wind." Aren't you glad you only have to read it, and don't have to hear him shout it out?
--Jeff